THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You had me at "let me see your balls"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
