Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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