I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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