another moral hangover. fuck.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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