I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
