your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
