I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
