The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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