dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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