Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
