If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I party with great urgency now.
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