so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
