apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
