i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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