our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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