Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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