I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she smelled like a LAN party
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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