By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
