that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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