i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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