yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
