i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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