When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
