we're chasing vodka with high fives
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
