just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
