just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
