i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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