party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
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He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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