It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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