So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
