remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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