oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
