And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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