he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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