just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
