i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
