Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
