you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
