Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
