Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
