Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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