I just saw a hot homeless man
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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