in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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