I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My feet surprised me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
