The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
