he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
