Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Congratulations! We have a period
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
