So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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