Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
