elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
