Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
