someone get that fucking seahorse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
