Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
