Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
