my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
