Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.