Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

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  (416): Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up http://tfl.nu/zoaj
  Replies (26) Good night (1026) Bad night (2860)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.

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  (859): Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time. http://tfl.nu/xhpk
  Replies (45) Good night (835) Bad night (2326)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world

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  (314): We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world http://tfl.nu/8d4g
  Replies (24) Good night (835) Bad night (5186)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.

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  (254): Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/oysw
  Replies (16) Good night (2670) Bad night (1089)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

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  (508): this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes" http://tfl.nu/1j0f
  Replies (18) Good night (1793) Bad night (5971)
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  (408): View more from California

  My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.

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  (408): My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me. http://tfl.nu/7zz8
  Replies (5) Good night (1191) Bad night (2185)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope

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  (678): I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope http://tfl.nu/y4eb
  Replies (3) Good night (1550) Bad night (761)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day

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  (217): I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day http://tfl.nu/8h3x
  Replies (9) Good night (914) Bad night (2038)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...

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  (203): Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked... http://tfl.nu/yapw
  Replies (3) Good night (1128) Bad night (650)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass

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  (519): woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass http://tfl.nu/kbek
  Replies (9) Good night (1029) Bad night (458)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
  Replies (15) Good night (1468) Bad night (838)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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  (270): I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. http://tfl.nu/gfm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (381)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"

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  (870): when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned" http://tfl.nu/0h81
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (378)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.

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  (704): Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success. http://tfl.nu/ssjq
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (290)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.

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  (812): Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check. http://tfl.nu/axr2
  Replies (6) Good night (347) Bad night (245)

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