If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!