We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"