He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.