Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.

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  (972): I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it. http://tfl.nu/h8bb
  Replies (7) Good night (738) Bad night (3116)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor

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  (540): I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor http://tfl.nu/zp5d
  Replies (37) Good night (3896) Bad night (1130)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"

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  (301): Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal" http://tfl.nu/5b46
  Replies (48) Good night (3976) Bad night (747)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (1062) Bad night (3767)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.

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  (856): So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished. http://tfl.nu/vhfi
  Replies (4) Good night (3520) Bad night (845)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

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  (480): we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had http://tfl.nu/e6dk
  Replies (16) Good night (4808) Bad night (897)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think the doormans mad at me

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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  (630): i think the doormans mad at me (773): well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while... http://tfl.nu/017x
  Replies (12) Good night (1259) Bad night (2497)
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  (415): View more from California

  i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again

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  (415): i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again http://tfl.nu/roxu
  Replies (5) Good night (2703) Bad night (1372)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?

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  (214): Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night? http://tfl.nu/uwcg
  Replies (20) Good night (2785) Bad night (1054)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?

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  (989): Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember? http://tfl.nu/1p12
  Replies (16) Good night (4568) Bad night (1018)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm drinking too much free beer

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.

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  (651): I'm drinking too much free beer (508): Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible. http://tfl.nu/a7hm
  Replies (14) Good night (2418) Bad night (1102)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Wow. We're meant to be..

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  (403): I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask.. (587): Wow. We're meant to be.. http://tfl.nu/3d3s
  Replies (13) Good night (2630) Bad night (595)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

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  (+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou
  Replies (20) Good night (3784) Bad night (534)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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  (843): I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/qtt5
  Replies (4) Good night (1449) Bad night (475)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!

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  (386): Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth! http://tfl.nu/wrvh
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (199)

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