Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before