my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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