I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
