Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When did angry sex become our thing?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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