this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
