He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to calm my uterus...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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