sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
