just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
