Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is it penis luge time yet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
