Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
