is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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