im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
